Who Are You?
by Strawberry Cupcake
Summary: Colonel Sheppard's team have amnesia! May be Sheyla and McKayCadman. Not sure yet. Rating may change too for later chapters.
1. I don't know you

A/N: Okay I got this idea while I was typing up the speech my pastor volunteered me to do for church tomarrow and I started thinking about what would happen if everyone forgot who they were. This is the product of an overlybored imagination so be WARNED. I hope you like it, but if you don't, oh well, I was hyped up on caffeine too so some of it might not make sense to anyone but me. I'll try to make it as funny as possible but my sense of humor is shot right now from being so dang on bored.

**Who Are You?**

The Stargate kawhooshed to life just as the tech on duty was about to end his shift and get some much needed sleep. Colonel Sheppard's IDC came through and he lowered the shield.

"I thought they weren't due to return until tomarrow morning." Doctor Weir, also about to go to bed, voiced the tech's thoughts aloud as she came running into the control room just as the four members of her flagship team stumbled through the event horizon and collapsed on the floor.

"Medical team to the gate room!" Elizabeth shouted into her com, running down the stairs.

Carson Beckett came into the room, and, upon seeing all four of Colonel Sheppard's team lying on the floor, knelt down to check their pulses.

"They're all unconscious." He said turning toward the medical team that had just come through the doors. "I need to get them to the infirmary stat." He ordered. At once they were all lifted onto gurneys and rolled out. But before John got to the door, he abruptly opened his eyes.

Stopping the nurse from going any further, Carson got out his penlight and shined it into John's eyes. John recoiled and looked around frantically. Elizabeth came over and looked at John with concern.

"Are you alright?" She asked. John, with a very confused expression on his face, glanced at Carson as if trying to confirm something. "John what happened?" John turned back to look at Elizabeth.

"Who're you?" He asked to Elizabeth's and Carson's shock right before he blacked out again.

oOo

John, Teyla, Rodney, and Ronon were each in one of the infirmary beds with IV's sticking out of their arms. None of them had woken up since the incident with John in the gate room. Carson was getting pretty worried too since that had been eight hours ago.

Within the next two hours, the four slowly started waking up one by one. And the other three were showing the same amount of amnesia as John had. No one knew who they were or where they were or who anyone else was.

The first one to wake up was Rodney. Expecting a snarky comment from him about waking up in the infirmary, Carson stalked over to him and gave him his best doctor glare.

"Now don't you try getting up or complaining. You are going to lie right there until I say you can get up. I don't care if you have an important project you are working on or whatever. You are going to lie there and tell me what happened."

And with the same confused look John wore earlier, Rodney just said, "Okay." Having expected him to start whining and complaining, Carson was shocked when that was all he said.

Abandoning his 'this is for your own good' glare, Carson immediately grew concerned and pulled up a chair next to the bed.

"Are you alright Rodney?" He asked. Rodney didn't answer, he just looked at the doctor blankly. "What happened? Do you remember anything?" Rodney shook his head slowly, trying to remember anything that had happened to him.

"I don't know who I am." Carson was about to reply when he heard a groan from the bed on the other side of Rodney.

"Teyla?" He said and made his was to her. Just as Rodney had done, she was looking around at her surroundings and obviously wondering where she was.

"What happened? Who are you?" She frantically tried to back away from the advancing Carson, thinking he was going to harm her.

"It's okay. My name's Carson Beckett. I'm your doctor. Do you remember anything? Do you know who you are?"

Thinking that the stupidest question in the world, Teyla scoffed, "Of course I --" She broke off, realizing that she didn't know who she was at all. "I --" She tried, but found she couldn't think of anything to say to defend herself.

It was the same with the other two, although trying to convince Ronon, big and scary as he was, that he was safe was interesting. He seemed to think that he was being attacked and tried to escape the infirmary. Carson only managed to subdue him with the help of three marines.

"Elizabeth," Carson said into his com once he was safe and sound inside his office and had everyone awake and assured that they were safe. "None of them know who they are. You might want to come down here and talk to them."

Elizabeth agreed and excused herself from her conversation with Caldwell. Making her way down to the infirmary, she was not expecting what she saw when she entered.

A/N: Oooh! I wonder what she saw! You'll just have to wait and find out, now won't you. I know this chapter wasn't very funny. I had planned it to be but it's kind of hard when you've got to get all that "I don't know who I am!" stuff out of the way.

I promise, the following chapters will be much funnier! I hope... You can't exactly trust my plot bunnies right now. I'm going on vacation in a couple of weeks and they are so excited. They've already got their bags packed and lotion on. Plus school is out so they can stop coming up with stuff for english class and start focusing all their attention on making up stories for this site.

Everyone groans.

Haha! You'll just have to put up with me all summer! Aren't you so glad? But then again that means that everyone who was waiting for my other fic, This is Paradise...,to be updated won't have to wait much longer! I just have to get over this little snag of them meeting the people on the planet. Not my favorite thing to write about.

Don't forget to review! They make me happy and will help me get through the speech I have to write which means I'll update faster!


	2. Getting to know myself

**Getting To Know Myself**

Elizabeth blinked once, twice. But the image was still there. She couldn't help it. Her face broke into a grin. She tried to contain her laughter as much as possible, but it worked its way out anyways. Elizabeth gave up trying and laughed and laughed.

Ronon currently had Carson in a headlock, somehow having freed himself from the IV. Teyla was standing on her bed shouting something while Rodney was looking scandalized. John seemed the only calm one. He was sitting back and enjoying the show, occasionally rolling his eyes at something Teyla or Ronon said.

"Now why can't I be the leader?" Ronon growled to the doctor. Fortunately for Carson, Teyla had stopped shouting long enough for them all to hear Elizabeth's laughter. They all froze, except for Ronon who still glared menacingly at Carson.

"What's going on here?" Elizabeth asked once she got over her lauging fit. Teyla flopped herself back onto the bed in a most un-Teyla-ish way. No one spoke and Ronon did not release his grip on the doctor. Carson struggled to free himself but Ronon was too strong. "Ronon please let Dr. Beckett go." Ronon reluctantly loosened his grip just enough for Carson to scramble away. "Thank you. Now what's this all about?"

"Well," John started. "Dr. Beckett was just telling us who we were. He told me that I was the leader of the team and Ronon said he wanted to be the leader. When Dr. Beckett told him that he couldn't be because I was, he got mad and tried to strangle the good doctor to death." Elizabeth thought that John was acting surprisingly calm considering everything. But she put it to the back of her mind and gave Ronon her best headmistress look.

The look having no effect whatsoever on Ronon, Elizabeth turned to Teyla. "Why were you shouting?" Teyla at least had the decency to blush.

"I was trying to tell Ronon that it wasn't Dr. Beckett's fault that he wasn't in charge."

Accepting her answer but not quite believing it when she caught John rolling his eyes out of the corner of hers, she turned back to Carson and said, "Thank you. I'll take it from here." Carson all but ran out of the infirmary and into his office, making sure to shut the door behind him.

Ronon sat back down on his bed but refused to do anything but glare ahead of him. Elizabeth pulled up a chair and sat across all of them, launching herself into the story about everything that happened on Atlantis and about them. She had only gotten to the part where Ronon joined Sheppard's team when Zelenka barged into the room with scorched eyebrows and burnt, smoking hair.

The scientist looked furious and pointed his finger threateningly at Rodney. Rodney had an absolute horrified look on his face.

"You!" He screamed. He babbled on in Czech for a two full minutes before he switched back to english. "I told you not to touch it! I told you that Dr. Weir had given me full authority over the project but what do you do? You go ahead and mess with the controls on the device so that when I go back to check on it, it explodes and sets me on fire! You hlupák! Zkurvysyne! Well you know what? Polib mi prdel! I'll just take over the chair project. Happy now?" And with that he stalked back out of the room, muttering in Czech all the while.

"I'm sorry?" Rodney called after him, not knowing what he had done. Elizabeth bit back a smile and continued with the story, anxious to get the attention off of Rodney whose face had turned a bright shade of red and was looking down at his hands in his lap.

She succeeded and soon Rodney was back to paying attention to Elizabeth's story. But she didn't get far when another visitor barged into the infirmary.

Lt. Cadman strolled into the room leisurely. She was on her way to Carson's office but slowed down to smirk. "What'd ya do now, McKay?" She grinned cheekily. "I just passed Zelenka in the hall and he looks really mad. I'd watch out if I were you. He's in a homicidal mood." And with that she hopped into the office before Rodney could make any kind of comeback.

Poor Rodney looked absolutely stricken.

"Don't worry." Elizabeth said to the man whose face was completely drained of all color. "I think she's kidding. Zelenka wouldn't hurt a fly."

That made Rodney feel somewhat better. At least some color was back into his face.

In Carson's office, Laura was grinning like a maniac.

"Laura, dear," Carson mumbled, not looking up from his microscope. "What did you do now?"

"Moi?" She feighed innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Then why are you grinning?"

"How do you know I'm grinning if you're looking into that microscope?" Laura walked around so she was standing next to Carson.

"When you smile my mood lightens a wee bit. When you frown it's like the whole room is frowning too." At Laura's confused pause, Carson sighed. "I can just tell, love. Now are you going to tell me what you did or not?"

Laura was about to answer when her radio crackled to life and someone spoke into her ear.

"Really? Alright, I'll be right there." She tapped the radio off and turned back to Carson who had looked up for the first time. "I gotta go check something Major Lorne found." She said in a rush and ran out of the room.

Back in the infirmary, Laura ran past the four people in beds without a word. Dr. Weir had apparently left them and gone to work on some paperwork or something and Teyla and Rodney were fast asleep.

She paused outside the door for the briefest of seconds to hear what Ronon and John were discussing because they had conveniently changed topic and talked a little louder than was necessary when she had gone by.

"Seriously Ronon, I don't mind. You can be the leader if you want." Laura heard Ronon chuckle, yes chuckle, and thank John before she went back to running wildly down the hall to the control room.

_What, are they playing follow the leader or something?_ She thought and couldn't help but picture Ronon jumping around and expecting John to follow him.

A/N: I hope you liked it. The third chapter will have them actually getting out of the infirmary. Won't that be fun! Don't forget to review!

Disclaimer: Forgot to put it in the first chapter but I own nothing of Stargate Atlantis or its characters blah blah blah blah blah. Besides, if I did own it, do you really think I'd be writing fan fiction?


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